For the past few months now, I’ve been in a liminal state: a state of transition or flux, an in-between area, on a journey that has started and will likely end up somewhere, sometime, probably.
Sasha described it like this: When having been in one box and en route to be inside another, while outside any boxes, one sees everything, and is thus able to examine and question everything.
I think of it this way also: I don’t have, or can’t rely on, the old structure of my life, and I haven’t yet adopted a new structure. So I can’t evaluate things using the same structures that I had before. I can’t easily label something as “good” or “bad”, I simply take it for what it is—even more than usual!
While in this state, I’ve found I’m also receptive to new experiences, and free to explore “deep thoughts”. I went on a date recently and ended up talking about evolution; the idea of a collective species memory that reaches beyond generations; language and semantics; the idea of core identity versus situational identity; and so on. And while away for work recently, I had similarly deep conversations with many others: what is knowledge; why is math useful…
In the past several months, I’ve also availed myself of rare and extraordinary experiences—most of which I can’t write here about—the kind of things that I might not normally do for lack of time or energy, or because I might think it too strange or too dangerous.
This state is temporary. It is necessarily temporary, because I will go crazy thinking about these things for too long and living this lifestyle! In some ways I’m eager to have structure again to prioritise my thoughts and limit my activities to the safe and comfortable and productive. But, of course, I’m awed by this state and the things I’ve lately experienced—both passively and actively.
I have no regrets. I have no doubts. I have little fear.
I feel sharp and hardened and unafraid. I feel fluid. I feel empowered to pursue any whim I may have.
It’s a wonderful state of mind, and I intend to enjoy it.